


Falling

by Jam_less



Category: Jicheol - Fandom, Kpop - Fandom, SEVENTEEN - Fandom, svt
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 20:36:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15323799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jam_less/pseuds/Jam_less
Summary: Seungcheol's world seems to fall apart even more every time he visits his dead lovers grave.





	Falling

"Jihoonie..." Seungcheol whispered into the cool night, tears steaming from his eyes from his eyes and mixing with the freezing rain as he lifted his head to look at the white marble tombstone in which he kneeled in front of. A single flower sat in front of the stone, placed by Seungcheol during one of his many visits, though he couldn't remember which one, his mind a blur of pain and loneliness, the empty space inside him large enough to swallow him whole. 

There wasn't a day that passed in which he forgot of the small boy who had lit up his dark world, taking the place of the sun as Seungcheol fell hopelessly into orbit, his world turning to revolve around the younger boy. 

But now, the sun had vanished, casting Seungcheol into a world of overwhelming darkness, leaving him fumbling for a hold on reality, every moment escaping his grasp. The only truth being that he would never see Jihoon's soft brown eyes sparkling up at him, never hear the joyous laugh that would escape his lips, or watch as he would smile, a lost angel who had stolen his heart, his life, his every move.

There was nothing he could do about it. there was no cure for loss, for death. The loneliness had no medicine, no distraction, for there was nothing to distract him. Jihoon had been his world, stolen from beneath Seungcheol's feet and casting him into the abyss he was now trapped within, no sun to light his path out. 

There was no letting go, no forgetting, and Seungcheol knew this as he kneeled before the grave of his reason for existance, the rain soaking through his thin white shirt and his ripped jeans, mud seeping through his pants and into his skin, freezing him down to the bone. 

"Jihoonie," he stammered, reaching out one hand to trace his fingers across the cold, snow-white stone, clenching his jaw as his finger flitted over the name engraved in the cold rock. "I miss you."

The truth in his words only increased as they left his lips, his pain flaring up, the only focused point in his dull life. Yet even as the loss seemed to increase, Seungcheol couldn't bring himself to leave, to walk away from the one person in the world who had truly understood him.

"I miss you so much," he whispered, a sob of pure grief racking through his body, "I want you to know that. Every second I miss you more. And maybe you can hear me, but maybe you can't," his voice grew stronger as he spoke, no longer choking on the words, no longer holding back from saying what it was he felt so deep inside of him. "Every minute I live without you is 60 seconds of joy I will never earn back. It's as if all of the happiness in the world died with you, the only thing remaining being memories of when you were standing next to me, when you were here."

Seungcheol struggled to speak once more, sobs racking his body, his chest shaking as he leaned forwards, tears slipping down his pale features. 

"There isn't anything I wouldn't give to see you one last time," he spoke with a shaky voice once he had recovered slightly. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do just to hear your voice again, to hear you whisper into my ear that you love me every night as I fall asleep." 

Seungcheol took a deep break, his eyes glistening with longing as he spoke. "I never got to say goodbye. It all happened so fast, you were snatched from my grasp as I looked away for a second, and now I will never forgive myself. I deserve the pain, the suffering for letting you out of my sight, even for a moment. I made a mistake, and now I've paid the price. Not only that, you've paid the price, and it's unfair."

His fingers curled into fists, pulling violently at his hair as Seungcheol struggled to cope with the guilt he had pushed upon himself. Though he blamed himself, something deep within him knew that there was nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened, as much as he struggled to tell himself there was. "I did this to you, I wasn't careful enough. Every second of grief I suffer through is nothing compared to what I took from you. Because of me you were taken from this world, your life stolen. And for this, I will never forgive myself. I did this to you, and I want you to know that I'm so sorry."

It took a moment for Seungcheol to be able to continue, a knot forming in his throat, his soaked clothes clinging to his body. "I just-" his voice broke once more. "I miss you so much. It's as if the sun has set, and won't ever rise again. Even if I can't see you, can't hear you, or can't feel you, I will never not miss you. Because I love you, Jihoon."

It was as if, when those words left his mouth, the icy rain missed Seungcheol as it fell. The sensation of warm arms wrapping around his chest drove away the coldness that had drilled itself into his bones, and he closed his eyes, sensing the presence of the one person he had come here to see. 

It was as if his worries were nothing, washed away by the scent of the younger boy drifting through his nose, a scent he had longed for in the past few weeks more than he ever knew possible. He stayed perfectly still, his heart beating to the fall of the rain as he felt warm breath flit across his ear.

"I love you too," a sweet voice whispered into his ear. "I love you, Seungcheol."

Peace settled across Seungcheol's body and mind as he sat there, warmth surrounding him and setting him at ease, the soft heat enveloping him, protecting against the outside world. 

All of his pain and guilt was washed away, and the sweet voice he had heard was the only thing he could think of, the calming words filling his exhausted mind as he lay there, the refuge of peace lulling him to into a deep, comforting sleep.


End file.
